PALS!! I have been BUSY!! I have been bringing The Woman GIFTS and I have, in the interest of journalism, CATALOGUED them. Gather round. This is important work.
ITEM ONE: the sock. The surviving sock. There was a pair. You know about the pair. We agreed not to speak of the pair. This is the one that remains, and I have placed it upon the blanket, because what is mine is hers, and the sock, pals, the sock was VERY mine.
ITEM TWO: the good ball. Not the decoy ball. Not the ball I leave lying around to throw off investigators. The GOOD ball. The actual one. Pals, this is the single highest honour I am able to bestow upon any human, and I bestowed it, and I did not even flinch. (I flinched a small amount. It is the GOOD ball.)
ITEM THREE: a leaf. From OUTSIDE. I selected it personally from a field of inferior leaves. It was, in my professional assessment, the correct leaf. I carried it in at speed and presented it. PALS. SHE LAUGHED. SHE LAUGHED AT THE LEAF. I DID THAT. Put it in the paper. Put it on the FRONT of the paper. Make the letters BIG.
ITEM FOUR: one (1) kibble. From my OWN dinner. Pals, I need you to sit with the size of this. I do not give away dinner. I have, historically, gone to great lengths to acquire EXTRA dinner. And I carried one piece, undamaged, all the way to the chair, and I left it there, on purpose, and I walked away. I am still thinking about it. I would do it again.
ITEM FIVE: Harvey's toy. (Harvey. Pal. I am sorry. It was for a good cause. You understood immediately, the way you understand everything, with the quiet face. That is the best thing about you and I will be putting that in a separate report.)
ITEM SIX: myself. Repeatedly. I keep bringing me to the chair and installing me upon the blanket. I have concluded, after rigorous review, that I am the finest item in the entire catalogue, and I am DELIGHTED to keep delivering me, free of charge, all day, indefinitely, for as long as there is a chair and someone wonderful in it.
The pile by the chair is now LARGE. It is a very good pile. It says all the things I do not have the words for, on account of I have eaten most of the words and also I cannot read. The catalogue remains OPEN. MORE GIFTS INCOMING. Tune in, won't you!!