A comprehensive review!! Pals, brace yourselves.
As part of my ongoing duties as Editor at Large, I have this month assessed five doors. Each was evaluated on a rigorous scale of MY ABILITY TO LEAVE THROUGH IT. Ratings as follows!!
★★★★★ — THE FRONT DOOR. Classic!! Iconic!! The Bald Man uses it daily. I have not yet figured out the spinning bit but I am working on it. The Bald Man assures me I am not. I am.
★★★★ — THE BACK DOOR. Less prestigious but more available. This door has, on three separate occasions, been left open by accident. I was, on three separate occasions, on the patio before anyone noticed. ALL ON THE RECORD.
★★★ — THE GARAGE DOOR. A long shot. It makes a frightful noise. I would have to overcome the noise, which is a personal journey I am not yet ready to undertake. Demoted!
★★ — THE GLAZED PANEL ON THE BACK DOOR. Technically a wall, in my opinion. I have tried. I have failed. I have left a small smudge. I feel that this is progress!!
★★★★★★ — THE WOMAN'S LAP. This is the door I return to. It is a door INWARDS. It is the best door of all!! I give it six stars. You cannot stop me. It is editorial.
UPDATE!! HARVEY HAS REVIEWED THE LIST AND OFFERED NO COMMENT, which I am taking as an enthusiastic endorsement. Sabrina suggested the airing-cupboard door, which is a SIXTH door, which means I have been outvoted and the headline is now wrong. I shall not be amending. The headline is right SPIRITUALLY!!