BREAKING!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! Pals, refresh the page!!
14:02 — A stick of butter (UNATTENDED) (UNWRAPPED) (GLISTENING) has been spotted on the kitchen counter. I am downstairs at the official observation post, by which I mean I am sitting under the kitchen table looking up.
14:03 — The Bald Man has left the kitchen. The Woman is in the garden. CONDITIONS ARE PERFECT. PALS, THIS IS HAPPENING.
14:04 — Strategic deployment of the kitchen chair, which I have used as a stepping stone, which I will not be apologising for, because nobody specifically told me not to do that today.
14:05 — BUTTER ACHIEVED!! BUTTER OBTAINED!! Pals, butter is, as it turns out, JUST FAT. It is FAT OF THE GODS. It is everything. Words are inadequate to describe my feelings re: butter. I am evolving.
14:06 — Rolled in the wrapper for joy. Foil now stuck to my ear. Worth it.
14:07 — Tried to share with Harvey. Harvey is outside watching a cloud and could not be reached for comment. Sabrina has declined comment for separate reasons of dignity. SORRY HARVEY!! NEXT TIME!!
14:09 — The Woman has returned. She has taken in the scene. Her face has done a thing I cannot read. I am cooperating fully. I am wagging my tail VERY HARD as a sign of innocence.
14:11 — SHE LAUGHED!! Pals, the law of the house has held. I have escaped consequences. I have, however, lost the rest of the butter, which the Bald Man has placed in the bin while saying my full name in the disappointed voice. WORTH IT.
14:14 — Update for the historical record: I do not feel one hundred percent well. We move on. We persist.
14:30 — UPDATE I FEEL FINE. We MOVE ON, pals. We RECOVER. We PERSIST. We eat the next butter when opportunity presents itself!! SUBSCRIBE for more BUTTER CONTENT!! (we do not have a subscribe button.) (yet.)